Bella was mumbling to herself, speaking her thoughts unintentionally.
"That's a stall Bella, put the handbrake up that way you won't roll backwards."
Katie knew to be careful at this point as Bella tends to be emotional when handling failure. Bella did what Katie asked and put her head down towards the steering wheel.
"I'm so sorry Katie." Katie sensed that Bella was far from alright. What was the time? 5.45pm They were still quite some way from Bella's home and needed to be heading back, what with the evening rush hour traffic.
God, it was a miserable evening Katie thought to herself. She hated this particular day in the year in any case, but when it was drizzly like this, it just made it all so much worse.
"I'm not sure I can do this," Bella interrupted the gentle pitter-patter of rain on the roof of the driving school car. "It really is too much for me." Bella raised her head from the steering wheel; Katie could see her eyes were watery. Bella often cried on a driving lesson, but of late, it was becoming more frequent. Katie kind of expects it to happen each time they see each other now. Bella is a young, pretty, 17-year-old with her whole life ahead of her, but she is revising hard for exams at the moment. Apparently, her Dad is putting a great deal of pressure on her and Bella went to some length on the last driving lesson, telling Katie how it makes her feel.
Katie took a deep sigh and tried to formulate a sentence of encouragement not least because, as harsh as it seems, they needed to get going to be back in time. Katie did not want to be late; she had a date with her Dad. Every year she would put on his favourite perfume that reminded him of her Mum. She would make a special effort with her choice of clothes. And she had already bought the rose which was in the boot; ready to lay on his grave.
'My lovely rose,' her Dad used to call her, how she missed her Dad. He died 13 years ago; the Doctor rather hesitated before nodding in response to Katie's question: "Did he die of a broken heart?" Her Dad used to say that he was the happiest man on the planet with 'both of his girls'. When Katie's Mum died in a car accident in the summer of 2005, Katie knew that Dad would struggle; his grief was so strong that Katie never felt like she got the chance to come to terms with her Mum's sudden death.
When the police arrived at the family home, Katie wanted to protect her Dad. He cried in front of the policewoman. He uncontrollably cried. Katie had never seen her Dad look so helpless. The policewoman had a tear roll down her cheek; Katie will always remember that day. The hug that policewoman gave Katie that day went beyond the call of duty, "Look after yourself" had been her last words to Katie before turning away and walking out the front door.
'Look after yourself,' easier said than done. Katie lost both of her parents in under a year. When her Dad died, at least she had some warning it was going to happen. When she walked towards his hospital bed, if he was awake, his eyes used to light up when he saw her. One day, he was so ill, that when she arrived, he looked at her and lowered his gaze towards his body and she just knew from that moment that he would not make it home again. She so loved her Dad. He meant the world to her. When her Dad died, as in, when he literally died, she couldn't let go of his fingers. The man who had spent his entire life loving and caring for his daughter and wife could not fight on anymore. She had never known such a gentle, kind and thoughtful man as her Dad. When he smiled at her, and hugged her and made her a cup of tea, it made her feel like she was protected. His 'lovely rose' lost a big piece of her heart that day when she held his fingers for the last time.
"The thing is Katie; how do I know if I can do this?"
Katie was suddenly pulled back to reality with a shock. "Sorry? Do what?"
"Drive. I'm useless."
"You're not useless Bella."
"I feel like I'm never going to be able to do this," 5.48pm Katie noticed, "It's what my Dad says, I let him down so much."
Katie turned to Bella. 'Oh Bella,' she thought, 'You have so much to look forward to. You will find someone special, possibly marry, perhaps have children. You have your work ahead of you, relationships, new homes, and yes very likely a new car or two.'
"Do you feel like you let him down, Bella?"
Bella turned to Katie. "Yes I do, the way he looks at me. He doesn't say anything nice to me; he just compares me to my brother and says how disappointing I am to him." Bella looked deeply into Katie's eyes. Katie could see the slightest hint of tremor of her eyebrow. This was hard for Bella undoubtedly, and this was not easy to hear either.
Katie was tired; she was emotionally drained not just from work but because of the significance of the day.
"Do you think he loves you, Bella?"
Bella turned away from Katie and looked out the windscreen. It was still light outside because it was July. Traffic was busy, there they both were, sat in a car, on a hill, feeling pretty sorry for themselves for entirely different reasons.
"I... I...." Bella was finding it difficult to respond to Katie. Katie sensed this was awkward.
"Parents just want what is best for their children Bella; it may....."
"I don't think he does though," Bella fiddled with her fingers in a nervous, awkward way. "My Dad has all the time in the world for my brother; Dan can't do anything wrong. He's better than me in everything. I just feel so useless all the time." Bella started to cry. Katie handed her a tissue. She glanced at the clock.
"Listen to me, Bella. I loved my Dad with all my heart when he was alive, I'm just about to lay a rose on his grave, and I miss him so very much, more than I can express to you right now."
Bella was pinching the tissue into a little twisted knot, licking it and wiping the mascara from under her eyes using the mirror to help her see.
Katie continued, "I meant everything to my Dad when he was alive. The idea that your Dad doesn't care for you is just not how it goes."
"How do you know that?"
"Because Dads love their daughters Bella!"
"Mine doesn't."
"He does Bella. You just don't know it yet."
There was a long silence.
Katie looked at the clock, 5.53pm. She knew that even with her driving they were going to be late.
"Can I suggest that we swap over and I drive us home just so that we get back in time?"
"Fine, if that's what you want."
They swapped over. The journey back was in silence. Katie felt conflicted in what was happening. She glanced down to the clock as she pulled into the street where Bella lived. 6.09pm
"Listen Bella. I'm sorry for what I said about my Dad, it's just that," as she pulled up to the house and stopped, Bella interrupted "It's fine", rushed out the car, and slammed the door shut hard. She was far from 'fine', it was far from 'fine'. Bella slightly turned towards Katie as she put the key in the door; she had tears rolling down her face.
Katie looked in the central mirror at herself. 'My lovely rose' she thought.
The following excerpt is from an article in the DIA magazine "Serious misconduct complaints against Instructors increase" by Frances Sherlock on 14/04/2019:
The ADI Code of conduct is clear and states that instructors should:
- Avoid inappropriate physical contact with clients
- Avoid the use of inappropriate language to clients
- Not initiate inappropriate discussions about their own personal relationships and take care to avoid becoming involved in a client’s personal affairs or discussions about a client’s personal relationships, unless safeguarding concerns are raised
- Avoid circumstances and situations which are or could be perceived to be of an inappropriate nature.
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