Connecting with and understanding pupils

There are two key elements of an effective working relationship between pupil and BIG TOM driving instructor:  connecting with the pupil, and understanding them.  If you are interested in joining the BIG TOM franchise, have a read of this important blog.

It is simply not a given that all driving instructors connect with their pupils.  We are all human and therefore prone to pick up vibes about others.  A pupil may instinctively feel distrust towards their instructor or that they come from different, incompatible backgrounds.  A lack of eye contact can demonstrate this or the quality of the verbal exchanges.  It need not be a personal dislike, but just a general feeling of uneasiness.

Likewise, an instructor may have an instant sense of dislike on the first encounter with a pupil.  It may have been to do with the conversations that took place prior to the driving lesson; the tone, the negotiation of price, how the timing was agreed.  But equally, it may be relating to lack of hygiene where the pupil who looks or smells dirty is now sitting in the instructor's workplace for the next 2 hours.

There can be unconscious factors at work which we do not even perceive.    Pupils may feel uncomfortable with the driving instructor's gender, age, size, facial appearance, regional accent.  If you were to ask the pupil, they might not even mention it, but deep down, it affects how they feel about the situation.  Similarly, driving instructors can quickly (and quite naturally) formulate specific profiles of customer that they have detected over time, cause them grief.  As unjust as it is, it is human instinct and very difficult to remove.  

Understanding a pupil is equally as important to work on.  And it is work.  A lazy instructor may eventually acknowledge an important factor, but much time has passed with that pupil, and frankly, not all are going to stay loyal for the lazy instructor.   

When there is a sense of trust, honesty and confidentiality in a working relationship, then pupils will be more inclined to open up about their thoughts and feelings.  Instructors who don't get this factor of understanding have not cultivated genuine working relationships and therefore tend to have a skewed perception of the norm.  It was Euripides who said: "My tongue swore, but my mind's unsworn."

It takes a brave soul to admit weaknesses of intellect, learning, character, belief, attitude or upbringing.  How well do we really all know ourselves in any case?  One of the smartest objectives a person could have in their life is to come to terms about how their upbringing has made their adult life weak.  But a BIG TOM driving instructor makes no judgement and adapts to what their pupils tell them.  

Does all this matter?  You bet your life it does.  Unhappy experiences when providing 1:1 driving training can leave deeply profound mental scars for either pupil or instructor.  There is no time limit as to how long those thoughts stay with us.