The message received

On the BIG TOM Part 3 training, we explore how the behaviours of a driving instructor can be perceived by pupils.  A great deal of communication is created not by what IS said, but by the method in which it is sent out to the pupil.  Generally speaking, people do not appreciate the effect this has on the 'receiver' of the communication.

If our PDI is from a background that has not involved 1:1 communication with people then this section of BIG TOM training can be enlightening.  As the years tick by, we all tend to develop personal characteristics of communication often without conscious awareness.  For example, some people will tend to:

speak too quickly or slowly

not make eye contact

pepper a sentence with overused words such as "obviously", "as you know", "of course", "but", "like", "kind of"

steer conversations around to the instructor or other pupils rather than the pupil in front of them

not check for understanding after giving an explanation

not attempt to smile 

speak in a monotone voice with no accentuation or lilt

do too much "telling" and not enough "asking"

structure a question so that it is 'loaded'

be facing away from a pupil when speaking rather than towards them

start talking before engaging brain (rambling)

The consequences for the person on the receiving end are profound.  If you receive enough of this kind of treatment, it stirs deep emotional feelings of resentment, anger and loathing.  Effective communication is effortful and must be centred around an interactive environment of respect.  As in all encounters with people, if you repeatedly show no respect, there typically will be consequences (and ignorance of this subject is rarely tolerated by the recipient).